Giving up on dating

30 Jan

” or “My girlfriend totally has that issue.” It’s a concept people have trouble recognizing in themselves at first, because most people think they want love and don’t consciously feel afraid.And you send test text messages to your friends to make sure your phone is working.(It is.)Your One True Pairing is the movie or TV couple you think embodies true love.Instead, they go along happily in their relationships for a time, then slowly, without awareness, they start to pull back.Ultimately, they diminish their feelings of real love and replace it with anything from routine to petty arguments to complete deadness between themselves and their partner.

Milestones like falling in love, getting married, or having a baby can symbolically go against these long-held negative feelings we have about ourselves or our lives.

In addition, these life events can remind us of time passing.

Ironically, what sparks this fear can be the reality of getting exactly what we want.

So many positive things can set us in motion to pull back from love and intimacy.

Think about ways we use technology, our phones, or even our food as substitutes for real contact.

We can even use healthy-seeming activities like work, sleep, or exercise in the service of our defenses.

Do we side with life and invest in love, or do we choose the path of a more self-protective and defended part of ourselves? In my 30 years as a researcher and clinical psychologist, I often reference the , a book by my father, Dr.

Robert Firestone, that aims to explain people’s resistance to love.